Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
