There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Two words: blizzard sex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
