Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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