While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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