I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
