Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize