I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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