I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
