Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
