Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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