buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
