from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
