I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
