hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
