you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize