so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
