What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
