is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We named our party play list daddy issues
what day is it and did you see me today?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
