Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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