his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
