i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
