You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
