Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize