I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
