I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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