Im at strip club and am horny
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
