Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
