HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
