We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
