Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize