i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
