Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
