Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
