Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
