he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
