You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
