thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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