Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize