No stitches, just platelets and will power
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
