Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
time to smoke my breakfast
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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