she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I AM VODKA MAN
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
