Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
