dude i'm inner monologue high
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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