I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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