I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
