I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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