life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
