I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
