I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
