you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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