Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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