So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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