I faked an abortion last night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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