I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
