i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
