Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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