If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
