I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
