You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
