It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
