You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
