I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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