Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
