I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need moral support for this bender
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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