Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
