Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
