Quick, to the slutcave!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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