They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
