Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize