listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
