I look better un-naked...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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