bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize