The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
