Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
FUCK WHALES
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
