Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
