Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize