fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
