Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.

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(845): View more from New York

I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.

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(678): View more from Georgia

just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.

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(519): View more from Ontario

It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.

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(313): View more from Michigan

if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it

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(573): View more from Missouri

You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.

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(716): View more from New York

You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?

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