oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
