If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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