I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize