K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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