A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
