So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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