Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize