You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
