I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
