I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
