You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
