how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
