I wish I only lived at night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
