Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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