What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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