okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
