Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
