So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize