Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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