Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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