tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize