she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize