Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
