part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
