I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
