I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
