We're facebook friends in real life
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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