i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize