You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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