why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
