there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
